One of the best parts of being everyone’s babysitter below 14th Street is that I have insider access into lifestyles of the rich and the famous. And when you win over one rich and famous family, you are soon introduced to others. Take, for example, my babysitting gig with a certain music producer. That quickly translated into several sitting sessions with the musician himself.
And while I appreciate the referrals, it is always quite startling when I discover how one family pitched me to the other. In fact, last night I learned that one mother had written another saying, “She only wears skirts so I expect she is fairly religious. But that’s neither here nor there. I just mean I think she’s responsible.” Apparently skirt-wearing individuals are more trustworthy than those who show the division between their legs.
When I recounted the story to a friend (after seeing a hilarious production devoted to retelling the “Missed Connections” section of craigslist), she remarked, “Duh! That makes perfect sense. Religious girl= reliable, responsible, and experienced– at least in the baby department.”
I protested, “But I am an only child. I never had siblings to practice on.”
“Ah,” she said, “but you have plenty of peers with babies to gain experience from…”
I suppose she is right. Though I do not sport the skirt for the purposes of employment, I do exert a certain level of motherliness when I wear it. I appear to be a young woman who isn’t afraid to follow a few rules, abide by a strict code, and exert a little Mama B affection. Simply stated, I look like a [future] mom; the kind who packs a home-cooked lunch for her kid everyday. The kind who sticks a love note in her child’s lunchbox. The kind who cuts off the crusts of her kid’s peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Now before you roll your eyes at my 1950s housewife depiction of myself, consider the following visual: a woman in skinny jeans, a Rolling Stones t-shirt, and a pair of spiked stilettos. Would you happily leave your children in her care? Or, would you dial the closest available skirt-wearing 20something you know?
I’m just saying if you’re unemployed or just in need of a little extra cash, invest in a knee-length skirt. You’ll thank me thousands of untaxed dollars later.