24 hours ago I made a decision to opt out of the production path I have devoted the last year and a half of my life to pursuing. It was the most terrifying decision I have ever made, and one that has raised all sorts of questions regarding my professional aspirations and personal branding.
One friend remarked, “Yaffa, this will be the third job in three years. When do you hunker down and just accept your present?” A financial consultant, she was used to the ways of an industry that valued loyalty and rewarded quantitative success. But as a woman operating in a complex and ever-changing media space, I knew my path would never be as linear as hers.
This realization can be both an invigorating and debilitating feeling– one that provides freedom, but removes any sense of actual security. And one that inevitably sends me running for the one and only Dr. Meg Jay, a clinical psychologist who specializes in twenty-somethings. Author of “The Defining Decade,” Dr. Meg focuses her research on the importance of the decisions we make before we hit 30.
Nearly half way through my defining decade, I find myself wondering if I am living by the words of Dr. Meg. Am I living with intent? Am I making wise, calculated decisions with some sort of end-game in mind? Would I have something to show for myself by the time I hit 30– something more than a few shares of Starbucks stock and old copies of The New Yorker?
I rewatched Dr. Meg’s TED talk, one that has attracted close to 2.5 million hits since it first appeared in February. And this time I took notes. Though her TED talk focused on three main ideas, I gravitated towards the first two:
1) “Getting some identity capital”–adding value to who you currently are and who you may hope to be
While I am one of many lost New York souls struggling to define what I want out of my professional career, I do believe that each career jump I have made has been somewhat calculated. Each jump has been about getting me closer to my happy place– a place where I feel fulfilled, challenged, and most importantly, inspired to be the best possible me I can be.
Though to a future employer it may not appear as such, I am exploring AND making it count. I’m “leaning in” and negotiating salaries. I’m playing hard ball and asking tough questions. And most importantly, I’m speaking up– embracing the Wellesley confidence I spent four years developing and two years applying in a professional setting.
2) “The urban trade is overrated”– instead of huddling together with exclusively like-minded people, find others who challenge you and form your “weak ties.” According to Dr. Meg, your weakest ties are the ones who help you advance, professionally and emotionally; who force you to define and refine your views; and who challenge everything you ever assumed to be true.
Unfortunately, my weak ties are pretty weak. After embracing my loony leftie tendencies, dormant during my teenage years, I made the leap, moved to Brooklyn, and now reside with my kind of thinkers. Attending a Muslim wedding in Kansas City was the closest foray into another world that I have gone– and that was only for a long weekend.
And so for the second half of this decade, I’m trying to meet all those out and about conservative-oriented individuals who fear Brooklyn the way I fear Texas; who believe my body is their business; and who actually enjoy watching sports like golf and cricket. Which is all to say I should probably send George W. Bush a get well card post-heart surgery.