At least I have a banana stand.

There is nothing like having brunch, particularly with a grandmother who has convinced herself that you, in fact, speak the Vagina Monologues. While you devour your mozzarella, tomato, and mushroom egg white omelette, she prattles on about the importance of marriage, and especially children– the product of a union between a man and a woman (artificial insemination be damned!).

And you, in the throws of brunch euphoria, wonder, “Is the free food worth all of this?” You contemplate an alternative universe, where you have a grandmother who supports your professional endeavors and encourages you to pursue them, even at the cost of missing out on the opportunity of being a 22-year old newly wed.

You consider a world in which your grandmother doesn’t repeatedly ask you about your British ex- the one who is currently dating your other British ex. In which she no longer makes comments such as, “I had high hopes for you two. Your grandfather and I had a long distance relationship, and it worked out.”

And a planet on which you are not compelled to make comments like, “Well that’s because you were both heterosexual, living in a society that encouraged matrimony.”

But then again, if your grandmother made none of the following comments, and you weren’t compelled to give any of the aforementioned responses, what in the world would you blog about? Your wonderful little banana stand, which you stare at intently when considering what entry to compose next?

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