For those unacquainted with the Jewish tradition, let me provide a brief lesson in dietary restriction. Passover, which begins next week, involves a refrain from all things baked for longer than eighteen minutes and made of barley, rye, oat, wheat, and spelt.
In place of delectable cheese danishes, we eat matzah, a seemingly edible form of cardboard– the prominent structural feature of my future New York abode. As a result the days leading up to Passover are replete with leftover chametz, products containing one of the aforementioned grains. While normally I would consume vast quantities of cashews, I now turn to the realm of carbohydrates for psychological comfort.
And when my grandmother– concerned with the state of my not-so-marriageable waistline– questions my eating habits, I just play the chametz card. If I don’t eat, then I’ll have to dispose of entire boxes of Girl Scout cookies. And Moses knows those are momentary delights I will never get back.
Now given that my thesis is two weeks from submission, I certainly am in a position to consume my body weight in carbohydrate-ridden treats. However, as a product of the Jewish school system, I believe that while simultaneously attempting to generate HIV/AIDS policy options for South Africa, I should be researching matters related to Passover so I have material to share at my seder table.
And in the midst of seder research today, I discovered a wonderful little diddy that I plan to reenact for my family members next Tuesday night. Yes, this is a remake of Lonely Island’s “I Just Had Sex,” only Jew-ified and with unleavened bread: