If Only I Were a Snake on the Run.

“Getting my morning coffee at the Mudtruck. Don’t even talk to me until I’ve had my morning coffee. Seriously, don’t. I’m venomous.” –BronxZoosCobra

I never thought I’d say this, but I not so secretly wish I was the escaped Bronx Zoo Cobra– or at least the creator of the Cobra’s twitter account. All week long, amidst a declining capacity to compose my thesis and an increasing demand to consume larger quantities of caffeine, I have looked to the Bronx  Zoo Cobra twitter account to provide me with comic relief. And with over 200,000 followers, clearly I am not the only New Yorker in need of a chuckle or two.

Furthermore, even TIME Magazine, a well established and respected reporting medium, took the opportunity to interview the snake and ask her about her Houdini-esque escape. When asked to address her favorite celebrity sighting, the Cobra made the selection I would have:  Tina Fey! Only unlike me, the Cobra decided to “play it cool,” and not accost her.

Indeed all of the Cobra’s experiences were carefully catalogued under the hashtag #snakeonthetown. And I, who fears snakes more than clothing in shades of color, found myself living vicariously through her. A New Yorker 220 miles from home, I was fortunate to experience the everyday New York grind through the entertaining reptile.

Considering that I have officially (as of today) confirmed my acceptance of a position with a New York employer, I believe it is vital to stay up to date on matters of New York politics, baseball, and bagels. And thanks to the little snake that could, I have.

Sadly, however, the Cobra was discovered this afternoon, lurking in the depths of the Bronx Zoo Reptile House, and since that time she has refrained from tweeting. I must say that in addition to all of the other disappointing aspects of today, i.e. discovery that Starbucks is not in walking distance of my hotel, this has been the lowest blow.

As a recent health study indicates, New Yorkers are some of the most depressed people in the country. We average 3.4 days of poor feelings, when the national average is just 2.3 days per month. And somehow the increased drink sizes at Starbucks no longer suffice.

We need lean, mean tweeting reptiles to remind us of the simple things–especially when said reptiles rely on caffeine almost as heavily as we do. Or, as one Facebook group advocates, we need the Bronx Zoo Cobra to host an episode of SNL.

She slithered her way into my heart. Now the question remains: How can I return the favor? A visit to the Bronx Zoo perhaps.

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2 responses to “If Only I Were a Snake on the Run.

  1. The day you voluntarily walk into the zoo’s reptile house will be the day I drop dead of shock.

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