Pants-less in the City

As a strict Orthodox Jew, I might argue that I am always without pants. Rather than highlight the division between my legs and arouse the anger of the One Above, I have taken a vow to the skirt gods that be. Hence, when I awoke this morning to a New York news alert about a day without pants, I assumed some progressive Brooklyn rabbis were behind the initiative.

Imagine a city in which every Jewish girl chose skirts over pants. Moses would be happy. However, a quick peek into the news alert and I realized this was not of the religious variety. In fact, when the organizers of this event  stated “no pants,” they implied all garments worn below the waist with the exception of underwear.

The event to which I am referring is the “No Pants Subway Ride,” the 10th annual pants-less event to be held of its kind. Over 3000 participants, choosing to bear their legs and potentially cellulite-ridden thighs, ride aboard subway lines running through Manhattan, Brooklyn, and Queens– eventually descending upon Union Square in a massive pants-less extravaganza. The humor, of course, lies in the fact the event is held in January, the most frigid month in the City.

Most New Yorkers are well-equipped to handle individuals dressed in unusual garb, and perhaps even lack of garb. For goodness sake, Times Square is marked by the Naked Cowboy. This event, however, is not an isolated individual with a propensity for tighty-whiteys or guitars. Thousands of New Yorkers sacrifice warmth for an afternoon of caffeine-free shenanigans.

Needless to say I am heartbroken. While the tiny rabbi residing within me would forbid me from participating, I would love to bear witness to the Union Square reunion. Wellesley and every other Puritan-run New England town in which I am in proxy do not host such events; they violate the laws of 1692 (yes, the same year in which burning witches at the stake was the accepted norm). Therefore I must be content with a video of a pants-less event gone by:


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