Resolution 5771: Bring Oxford to Wellesley, Booze and Boys and All

And Year 5771 Begins...

Apparently Oxford and its 75 page readings lists were not nearly as time consuming as I remembered them to be. Upon arriving at Wellesley and entering the dreaded biology lab, which I had stealthily avoided for the last three years, I was reminded why I never became a science major– I actually want a life.

Since Tuesday, the start of my lover’s quarrel with SCI Room 384, I have shirked by blogging responsibilities, and instead embraced a world of Excel histograms and bar graphs. In place of drinking copious amounts of caffeine and documenting each cup, I am now bound to a room in a building that I had nightmares about as a first-year– the most frightful involving a snake experiment gone awry and an anaconda on the loose.

And those few minutes I manage to escape the confines of the center, which eerily resembles a 1920s insane asylum, I stare blankly at a computer screen, trying to form a convincing argument as to why a committee of intellectuals should grant me an exorbitant amount of money to traverse the globe, commitment free. Thus far, I can honestly say I am failing. Which is odd, as I know I am not ready to make the 9-5  work day shift just quite yet. Perhaps I need another few cups of java to clear my head, or at least give  me a small inspirational adrenaline rush.

In the meantime, or in the spare moment I now have, let me offer my Jewish New Year Resolution. And no, it does not involve a new weight loss program or commitment to finding a husband. Those ships have sailed, and I’m waving at them from the dock. My resolution, aptly numbered 5771, as that is the year on the Jewish calendar, is to learn to apply the lessons learned from my time in England to my Wellesley experience.

Thus far, I have failed to do so. Let me offer an illustration: It’s Tuesday night. I have completed my first day of class, and instead of drinking in the pub with every other legal senior, I am staring at an Excel spreadsheet, contemplating historical means of heart rates per minute. Simply stated, I am obsessing over my bio lab homework, which counts for 0.012% of my entire Human Biology grade. Yes, I am obsessive compulsive enough to have calculated the percentage, and even after having completed said calculation, to still be obsessing over the data on the screen.

The Oxford version of myself would have given the assignment– at max– an hour. Whatever I completed at that point of time would have been submitted, and then I would have spent the latter portion of the night in Anna’s flat, cooking and eating and laughing. Perhaps we would have even downed a foofy cocktail or two.

Now given Wellesley is a dry town and my grades at Wellesley may well determine whether I get into my dream law school [whose identity shall for now remain a secret], I am content to live without the excessive amounts of alcohol. However, I want must learn to be satisfied with the degree of effort I invested in my work at Oxford, in Wellesley as well. I am a perfectionist, and this year, I intend to let that part of me go, ala Gone With the Wind, but hopefully minus the bloody four year civil war bit.

For those of you who know me in a non-cyber sense, you will be well-aware of the fact that this is the most challenging goal I have ever set for myself. To accomplish this feat, I may have to sacrifice some of my Starbucks– which fuels my drive to perfection by providing me with a constant supply of energy and cocoa beans.

I am willing to make the change, though; to acknowledge that I have a problem– I place too much emphasis on numbers and letters, and too little emphasis on personal/spiritual (in a non-drug induced sense) growth. I have less than one year until I enter the real world. Let the under-caffeinated games begin.


5 responses to “Resolution 5771: Bring Oxford to Wellesley, Booze and Boys and All

  1. Yaffa, I love you. I love your resolution. I might steal it from you. I’m going through the same thing – even down to the “oh yeah, I have to take a science course, hmm, about that.” Good luck with your resolution… and we should catch up soon.

  2. Yaffaleh,

    First of all, shanah tova u’metukah, and by that I mean, “I don’t understand a single word you wrote above.”

    You must have been expecting this comment from me, but in the interest of allowing everybody to understand my position and my precise disagreement, let me indulge myself.

    Drugs. There are three drugs of note in this situation. First: caffeine. This drug is amazing. A complete stimulant with an intense crash hours later that leaves you with one of the strongest physical addictions allowed by our current drug-law system. It’s the performance enhancing drug of life. So, don’t stop. The second drug is alcohol, “the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems,” as the wise Homer Simpson once said. This drug is nearly perfect. My close friend and roommate often toasts to the words, “Here’s to hating memories.” And this is what alcohol is all about. Think about cows grazing in a field. They’re neither happy nor sad, but content with their lot. Why? Because they desire not, and they remember not. When you are drunk, you desire and remember not (and if you are also grazing — i.e., Hassan’s — then you are Zen as the cow). The last drug is the fun one. I will fully support any spiritual experience that explores the realms of trippy drugs.

    Now that I have explained my position on all three of the drugs that you mentioned as affecting your modes of living, I would like to fully endorse the abuse of any and all (preferably not at the same time, but if you want to, go for it). If you’ll permit me, the Rambam once said that a person finds morality and righteous living not by strict adherence to one side of an issue or the other, but by navigating “the golden middle” path. A true balance of, at least, legal drugs, can and will produce a beautifully balanced life of work and play.

    But seriously, a happy, healthy, sweet new year, full of celebration, achievement, and excitement. You’re the best, homie.

  3. Pingback: When in Doubt, Hug it Out. | Living on a Latte and a Prayer

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